The Three Things I Fear Most In Comedy

1) Your Mom

2) Her Mom

3) Her mom’s mom


Report: Low-Level Freemasons Beginning to Unionize 

freemasons_ed

First through Twelfth Degree Masons this week began to discuss organizing so as to increase membership security amid a growing supply of potential replacements. Ted Beddingham, 10° Grand Elect, noted that ever since grounds-for-dismissal policies were instituted in the centuries-old, anti-papist organization, a steady stream of fresh upper middle class white males have sought out temples around the country, seeking to displace existing members.

The situation has proved even more dire now that member rings and pins will be manufactured in emerging market economies rather than in the temples themselves.

Not only has this lowered the chance of advancement, but temples have also relaxed safety standards and reduced incentives, knowing that they could easily fill their respective ranks whether or not they make an effort to recruit.

6° Intimate Secretary Brad Chatsworth pleaded, “even those who are being groomed to run the world need better benefits and better working conditions,” referring of course to the slew of reports of crumbling interior pillars during chantings and frequent hemorrhaging during ritual blood drawings.

“We’re comfortable keeping secrets,” Chatsworth added, “But why Sublime Princes can be treated for fallen-pillar wounds by any doctor while Perfect Masters can’t should not remain shrouded in mystery.”


Implications of Rap Lyrics: Rick Ross

Rick Ross Lyrics


Best Pun Ever? Best Pun Ever.

Pun Cartoon


Implications of Rap Lyrics: 2 Chainz

Liquor Sto'


This Kid Is The Future Of America

When I was this kid’s age, I did dumb shit like this, but I didn’t have YouTube. This kid is going to grow up and dominate anything he puts his mind to because soon the whole world will know his face and will fear his charisma.


If You Don’t Own Some Sort Of Digital Camera, You’re Probably Some Sort Of Deviant

Lisa and Anthony Demaree took some naked pics of their young daughters and then tried to develop them at Walmart. Walmart turned those pics over to the authorities and the Demarees lost their kids for a month on the grounds that they were child pornographer. You know what? If you don’t have some sort of digital camera and need to go to Walmart to have pics developed, you’re probably a child pornographer. And you probably own many pagers and laser discs as well.

This should be the ad campaign for all smart phones and digital cameras from now on: “Being able to develop your pictures on your home computer lets you keep your kids!”


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